Broken Perfection

My God. How do I handle this? My heart hurts. I have to refrain from saying the things I want so badly to say, because I'm pretty sure if he knew how I felt, he'd run... I think. That's where I'm torn. We've both been hurt before, both had our share of heartache. I know we're both scared. I *want* to let him know I'm here for him always, no matter what it is, no matter what he wants or needs. Even if he just wants me to sit in the same room with him, just to have someone there to cut through the loneliness. But how do I make him aware of this without putting myself out there, risk freaking him out, and having him walk away? I don't want him to be afraid of me... to think that I'm gonna hurt him the way everyone else has. I have never had such a pure, untainted feeling about someone before. It's even scary for me. At times, I have absolutely no idea how to handle it. Even at his worst, I would still bend over backwards for him. How in the fuck could I ever hurt him? We've been friends for a while now. But I knew how I felt about him, even then... but for certain reasons, I had to keep my distance. Right now, I don't really care about those reasons anymore. I'm happy around him. Sublimely happy. Even if he's feeling low, I still want to be around him. Because it's him. Just his presence alone means the world to me, and not being around him makes me feel like a part of me is missing. It pisses me off that we've both had such massive amounts of shittiness in our lives... to the point that we feel like we can't trust people, and we don't matter to anyone. Aside from my kids, my wifey, and a few family members and friends, he is one of the most important people in my life. We understand each other. I only wish I could make him understand that his friendship means everything... I would absolutely love for there to be more. But I'd rather have his friendship and say nothing, than say something and lose him forever.